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Thursday, April 12, 2007

Scared of Rejection? Why You Should Try to Get Rejected More Often

Do you have a fear of being rejected? Some people get over rejection very quickly, but for others, the fear of rejection causes major problems. People who fear rejection often end up living very lonely lives because they never take the initiative in forming new relationships.

If you have a fear of getting rejected socially, one way to overcome your fear of rejection is to deliberately go out and try to collect a lot of rejections on purpose. Make it into a game! When you're trying to get rejected on purpose, it's just practice, so it doesn't really count. This strategy is used by some therapists who specialize in the treatment of shyness.

For example, if you have a fear of being rejected by women, set out to get rejected by many, many women on purpose. Make it into a game, and give yourself points for every rejection you receive. Once you have collected say, a hundred points, give yourself a meaningful reward.

If you're really nervous about approaching women, start out with just a very tiny change in your behavior. Just say hello to every woman you meet. Count up all the rejections. Decide how many rejections you want to get in a day, and work hard each day to make that quota!

Once you are used to saying hello to women you don't know, add on a new behavior, such as making a comment about the weather, or asking a simple question. Keep counting your rejections, and set a quota of rejections to meet each day.

Then gradually add more complicated behaviors to this list. Start asking women out for coffee. Then start asking them out on dates. If they reject you it doesn't matter. Remember, you want to get rejected so that you can make more points.

You want to get rejected so that you can learn not to take it personally.

You want to get rejected so you become comfortable with the process of meeting new people and talking to them without having to worry whether or not it leads to anything.

If you actually do this exercise instead of just reading about it, you can learn to experience rejection in a whole new way. Getting rejected will no longer feel like a terrible attack on your innermost being. It will simply be a light hearted exercise that you can learn to enjoy as you develop a new skill.

Getting over a fear of rejection can require a lot of determination and courage. It also takes practice, practice, practice!

You have to keep practicing new ways of thinking and new ways of behaving until they become second nature for you. A fear of being rejected doesn't need to keep you in a prison of loneliness. If you keep trying new social behaviors, your shyness and your loneliness can become a thing of the past!

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Monday, April 09, 2007

Are You Dating A Narcissist? Seven Surefire Clues to Tell if Your Boyfriend is A Narcissist

Do you find yourself in a relationship that gives you a little bit of concern that maybe this one has some "issues" that might cause a lot of trouble? Listen to your intuition. Intuition has the ability to pick up on a subconscious level hints that this may not be the right person for you. Do some fact checking and answer these questions:

1. Does he rage and then apologize and promise it will never happen again? How many times do you need to see this before you recognize this as a tactic of an abuser? Once is enough. Two times is too much. Go.

2. Is he 'too good to be true'? Is he your soulmate? knight in shining armor? And you know this on the second or third date? Better step back and give this one some time. No one is perfect and often abusers are charming and manipulative but not as they reel you in.

3. Does he ask you for money? Does he never take you someplace nice for dinner? Being thrifty is fine, but being pathological about money is not. Watch out for clues such as a someone with a good job that never spends money. Narcissists do not have a normal relationship with money.

4. Does he spend money unwisely? The other pathology surrounding money is that of the show - off. The man with huge roll of bills who is always buying drinks for the bar, but doesn't know how to save for the house.

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Sunday, April 08, 2007

Ukraine Brides - Reveal Your Culture

Many young couples in international marriages are facing one and the same problem and it is called cultural adaptation. Below are a few ideas how to survive this period.

Men sometimes find it impossible to understand women. They say that their brides have changed after the marriage but the truth is that they are the same, only their position is different and this changes their point of view.

Marriage is a dream for every girl. It makes her feel that she has accomplished a life mission. After the marriage women still feel a little insecure. She enters a brand new world with different rules and this scares her a bit. The role of the groom is very important in this period of life because he is the closest person to her and she has no one else to trust.

Brides from Ukraine are not an exception to the rule. After the marriage they are introduced to a new society which they barely know. They leave their families and friends. They leave their favorite places and naturally they do not know how to act. Sometimes they are afraid even to ask how to deal with some daily life problems because they think that they will look stupid and unintelligent to the others.

If you have just came back from honeymoon, you will have to return to your job and daily routine. Your bride will be left home alone for long hours and between the tv series and the housework she will often ask herself now when you are already married, do you find her as attractive as you did the first time when you saw her.

The culture of the Ukrainians is very family oriented. Basically it is society in which woman is equal to the man. Wives work as much as their husbands and contribute to the household not only with domestic work but with money too.

You can help your bride feel more confident if you support her in the first month and encourage her to go to courses for language learning for example. These courses are good because they are visited by many foreigners in the same situation. Between the courses and lessons, for the right pronunciation and accent, people share what they feel and this is often the same what your bride has in mind. Speaking about it with others who can understand her will definitely help her. These courses often function as groups for discussion where language is only the skeleton of the course itself. And the course is called adaptation to the new society.

When you get back home always find time to discuss with her what she has learnt and who she has met. Little by little she will start telling you other people's stories which will repeat your case. Do not interrupt her telling her that you are different. You are not.

Intercultural marriages are very fragile exactly because of the culture shock. Remember the time when you have been to Ukraine and you wondered why people do this or that? Have you suffered the enigmatic Cyrillic letters they use? Have you felt lost most of the time?

Now you know what your bride means. Unlike you who has been in her native country for a limited time, your bride will stay with you forever - (hopefully) - so as soon as you help her adapt to everything unfamiliar and new, the better.

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

Make a Woman Fall In Love With You

You've been out with a woman a couple of times, and you're crazy about her. You want her to be crazy about you, too. Here's the plan:

Invite her to your place for dinner. Casually explain to her, though, that you have to get up early the next morning. (It works best if you actually do have to get up early. If you don't, arrange to go to the gym before work. It's best not to lie.)

Cook for her. You've heard it said that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Well, I've got news. It works for women, too, and I mean big time. If she likes you, or even if she's teetering on the fence about it, you very may well seal the deal by feeding her. It makes her feel cared for, and the contrast of watching a manly man like you perform such a nurturing act is devastatingly sexy. Roll up your sleeves just a bit. Let her admire your forearms as you wield a heavy skillet.

If you're not accustomed to preparing more than Hot Pockets, head over to foodnetwork.com beforehand for a couple of easy recipes that are sure to please her. Try the dish ahead of time, so that you know you can bring it off. Don't worry, though, if you mess up on the big night. She'll be delighted that you tried.

Whatever you do, do not allow her to take over. Put a drink in her hand and tell her that her job is to relax. A great girl will appreciate that. You will utterly and completely impress her. A potential pain in the neck will tell you everything you're doing wrong and will tell you to sit down, so she can do things properly. This may seem like a good idea at the time, but trust me, this type of woman will tell you what you're doing wrong for the rest of your life.

If worse comes to worst, and you render dinner inedible, laugh it off and order take-out. A great girl will laugh with along you.

Kiss her goodnight. But do not sleep with her. As tempting as this might be for both of you, you will score big points if you don't. Instead, take the woman gently into your arms. Kiss her meaningfully and soulfully. Remind her of your early appointment the next day and say you're sorry you can't spend more time together. Tell her you'll call her but do not say when. Walk her to her car.

Here's what will happen: She'll spend most of the next day wondering why you didn't leap on her as other men would have in your position. She'll know, however, that you're not gay because of the way you kissed her (a scene she's likely to replay in her mind all day long, incidentally). She will wonder if you'll call—and when.

Because you're a guy who's good to his word, you will call, just not right away (even if it kills you). The goal here is not to play games but to give her time to mentally savor the events of the previous evening. Give her time to build you up in her own mind. Whatever you do, do not send flowers. Don't email her. Let things lie.

Call her a day or two later. It's more than likely that she'll be absolutely over the moon to hear from you.

I'm sure you can take it from there.

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Monday, April 02, 2007

Work and Home Do Not Mingle

Today life is over stressed, both men and women are career oriented, they give 100% to their work. However it is not only the job where you have to give your 100% a relationship too needs that cent percent.

Usually it happens that you are very busy with your individual work. You are so busy that you get your work home. As such you are unable to take out time for your loved ones. There is nothing wrong in a professional attitude give your complete time and energy bur yes mingling work and home cannot be called professionalism. It is actually shrieking your personnel duties and responsibilities. If you share your experience about the day spend at work is perfectly alright as your partner should be aware of what all you go through during the day. But getting work home after spending more than half the day at work is incorrect on your part. You need to spend time with your mate when you are in a relationship otherwise your relationship looses its meaning. Then you become merely room partners and nothing else. If you are overloaded with work and it is unavoidable to ignore then you can get it home. But it is important to set some particular time for completion of your work and rest of the time you spend with your mate.

Moreover it is necessary that you make aware to your spouse that since you are so busy to need to give some extra time to your work so that your partner understands. Mostly what happens is that couples do not give any explanation when they get their work home and are totally engrossed in their individual work. This upsets the ones who are waiting home for their partners to return and get upset when their partners get engrossed in their work giving no heed to the one waiting for them. If you are among such couples then change your attitude and style for a happy relationship. If you are into the habit of getting work home regularly and not spending enough time with your mate then make sure that it will affect your relationship in the negative. Often you do not realize but such behavior causes the opposite partner a feeling of being neglected and rejected.

Your partner feels that you are not interested in spending time with him or her. If you feel that your relationship is really not working, then this could be the reason. It is very important not to mingle work and home for a peaceful, relaxed and happy life. You should plan out your work in such a way so that you can get time for your partner.

Everyone wants fun and excitement in a relationship and if you spend the whole day as well as the night working then you become a big bore and your relationship gets boring. Try to finish work on time and make it a point to never mingle work and home together as it does not let you enjoy neither work nor family life.

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